It’s been almost a year and a half since my mom passed away. They say you’re supposed to say the persons name to help you heal. Does saying mom count? Probably not, just thinking of her name makes the tears come. A good friend of mine had her father pass away right before Christmas. He got sick just after my mom did. He had a longer fight. I don’t know if this is better or worse for him and his family. I wanted more time with my mom, I guess I always will, but seeing her in pain, seeing her go from being the strongest woman I knew to literally just skin and bones was awful. People sometimes say that they don’t want to remember people like that and it’s better to not see them in that condition. For me, I don’t remember my mom in that way. I’m glad that I was a part of the whole process. When I think of how my mom looked the last time, she actually looked at peace. She didn’t look like she was in pain anymore. I think that was important for me to see.
I didn’t talk to my dad or my siblings on Christmas. I talked to them around Christmas, but just not the day. My sister called on Christmas Eve and started talking about my mom and I just said I had to go. Matt put the ornaments that are reminders of my mom on the tree. I don’t know if he realized the significance of them. I sort of just ignored them. I didn’t want anyone to make me think of my mom. I hope at some point I can pull out all the feelings I have and figure them out. For now, it still hurts too much.
Thanks for writing about this. I’m lucky that my Mom is still with us but I dread the day she passes over. I sometimes think about what it will be like to not have her around, and I don’t like that feeling!
Comment by Mikal — August 7, 2009 @ 11:38 am
I don’t think you ever completely heal. I still miss my Mom and Dad every single day, and it’s been nearly a decade. Writing this now still makes me tear up. For me, as well, Christmas is a huge reminder of my mom, especially the ornaments. However, it’s also how I honor her. My folks never got to meet my son, so this is a way I can make them real for him. Which reminds me, I need to frame that angel collage he made in school last year, then later told me, “It’s your mom.”
Comment by Beth Cruz — August 13, 2009 @ 9:35 am
If I had it to do over again, I would have taken a lot of pictures of my mom with the kids. My mom stayed with us for most of her last 6 months and I don’t have a single picture from that time. We were just so stressed about everything and I never thought about it. I also wish I had a recording of her voice. I love her voice. My son had just barely turned two when she passed away so I don’t think he’ll remember her at all. I never knew how to talk to the kids about death. Right at the end, we bought a book called When Dinosaurs Die. Matt read it to the kids the first time. I sobbed the entire time. Sam was too young to understand, Ally kept looking at me kind of confused, but listening to what Matt read. At the end, we explained why we read the book and then Ally figured out why I was crying. The kids have both asked a lot of questions now about why I don’t have a mom and how and why she died. In a way, I’m glad that we’ve had a concrete way of talking to the kids about it.
Comment by Kimberly — September 19, 2009 @ 3:52 pm