My daughter reads very well for her age. I worry that a lot of her books are really too easy for her. She loves to read though, so I’ve been thinking a lot about what to read with her. I came up with the idea of going to the library and picking up a bunch of kid books about a single topic. When I first mentioned this to her, she said “Maybe then you and I can be as smart as dad!” (Oh great!)
This is the first week we’re trying this out. The topic she chose was African animals. We’ve been having fun reading the books we chose. She was reading them by herself the other day and kept saying, “Mom, you have to know this RIGHT NOW!” I think this will be fun and we will both learn something. Hopefully some of the books will be a bit more challenging for her and she’ll have fun in the process.
(We’re reading them with Sam too, of course. It seems he’s learning to love books as much as the rest of us.)
It’s been almost a year and a half since my mom passed away. They say you’re supposed to say the persons name to help you heal. Does saying mom count? Probably not, just thinking of her name makes the tears come. A good friend of mine had her father pass away right before Christmas. He got sick just after my mom did. He had a longer fight. I don’t know if this is better or worse for him and his family. I wanted more time with my mom, I guess I always will, but seeing her in pain, seeing her go from being the strongest woman I knew to literally just skin and bones was awful. People sometimes say that they don’t want to remember people like that and it’s better to not see them in that condition. For me, I don’t remember my mom in that way. I’m glad that I was a part of the whole process. When I think of how my mom looked the last time, she actually looked at peace. She didn’t look like she was in pain anymore. I think that was important for me to see.
I didn’t talk to my dad or my siblings on Christmas. I talked to them around Christmas, but just not the day. My sister called on Christmas Eve and started talking about my mom and I just said I had to go. Matt put the ornaments that are reminders of my mom on the tree. I don’t know if he realized the significance of them. I sort of just ignored them. I didn’t want anyone to make me think of my mom. I hope at some point I can pull out all the feelings I have and figure them out. For now, it still hurts too much.
The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.
This quote has been running through my mind a lot recently.
“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupér
It’s been almost a year since my mom passed away. I think the phrase “time heals all wounds” is baloney. Not that I thought I’d be over this by now, but I think I’m going to have to actively do something to be able to move on. I don’t think I have done anything to really try to feel better. I think I was just numb and in shock. Last week, I about had a complete meltdown. I basically sat and stared at my computer for nearly a full day. Since then, things really haven’t been too much better. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, which is good, but I feel awful. I have been spending a lot of time questioning just about every aspect of my life from my relationships, my job, my career, my health, my living situation, everything. I hope I can begin to heal soon and I hope that some positive changes come out of the time I’ve spent debating everything recently. I’ve begun making plans for some of the things I want to change. I’m sure I’ll be writing more about that soon.
Not that these are the only two reasons I think he’s awesome, but I wanted to share.
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As of today, I have been married for 4 years. Last year was the worst year in my life. For the most part, Matt really stood by my side through all of it and I often thought I wouldn’t have gotten through it if it hadn’t been for him. I’m thankful to have Matt as my husband.
My family and I went to NYC for a family vacation and then down to Cape May, NJ for a family reunion. In NYC, we stayed in a hotel close to Central Park and mostly stayed up near the southern part of the park. We ventured into Times Square late one evening only to see a movie. Some guy made some annoying, close to perverted, comments about my 6 year old daughter though, so I was happy to leave the area quickly. We had dinner with a friend there and I kept asking him questions about living there. It’s hard to imagine what it would actually be like to live in the city there. I have always thought it would be awesome to move to a new place every 6 months or so. It’s impossible to really know a place without living there. I’ve been to NYC twice now and both times left wanting to see more. I guess we’ll have to go back again soon! The family reunion was also very nice. It was a little hard to see my mom’s brothers and know that my mom wasn’t going to be in the picture of the first cousins. One of the coolest things that happened was that a few months back, my aunt found the christening dress my mom had made for my cousin Lynn and they gave it to my sister. It is a beautiful dress. I didn’t know my mom could sew like that! Cape May is nice, but we mostly just stayed on the beach or at the hotel with everyone. I did get to watch dolphins swim in the (COLD!!) ocean, which was amazing. I’m very glad that we got to see all the cousins again. I wish this could happen more often then every two years, however!
I had a dentist appointment this afternoon. I really hate to go to the dentist, but feeling all weird after going (I always tell them to give me as much medication as they possibly can.) I had the excuse to come home and take a nap. It seems that every time I go to lay down in my bed, I grab a new book. I don’t know what issue I have that’s behind that, but this is what I do. It really means that it takes me forever to finish any book I start because I’m usually reading 15 different books at any one time. I should stop this. In any case, as I was laying down, I decided to grab Kurt Vonnegut’s A Man without a Country. I fell asleep shortly thereafter. This evening I was supposed to have a meeting, but it didn’t happen so I took the kids home and let them play outside. After a bit of time with the kids playing so nicely I decided I should get a book. Surprisingly enough, I picked back up that same book. I sat outside reading while the kids played until nearly 9 tonight. It was so nice outside and the kids were being GREAT (they washed my car!). It just made for a wonderful evening. A big part of me wishes every night could be this relaxing. Even better, I’m going to finish that book before I go to bed tonight! It’s an easy read, but it’s a good one.
I haven’t posted to this site in 6+ months. I have been trying to redefine myself in light of all the things that changed in my life last year. I’m getting closer to that point, I believe, though I still have a lot to figure out. I’m finally getting to the point where it doesn’t feel like every day is a struggle. Things are easier with Matt and the kids. We’re going on vacation this Friday. I’m looking forward to finally actually having a little time off. I hope that the vacation is restful and relaxing and I can come back with a renewed attitude about everything. I need to learn to celebrate today instead of always looking for some thing in the future that will suddenly make my life wonderful. I’m the force that has to make that happen.
